1) Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
2) If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
3) Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
4) It's okay for women to kiss each other and not be gay.
5) Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
6) The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
1) Women brush their hair before bed.
2) Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
3) Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible".
4) The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5) Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
6) Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
7) A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
8) Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
9) Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
10) "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman- language than it does in man- language.
2) Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
3) Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible".
4) The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5) Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
6) Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
7) A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
8) Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
9) Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
10) "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman- language than it does in man- language.
1) Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2) Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3) Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4) Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
5) Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6) Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7) Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
8) Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
9) Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
10) If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
2) Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3) Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4) Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
5) Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6) Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7) Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
8) Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
9) Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
10) If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Friday, November 27, 2009
A husband working abroad wrote to his wife...
Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending you 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart.
Your loving husband,
His wife replied...
Sweetheart Dearest,
Thanks for the 100 kisses, below is the list of expenses I paid with the kisses...
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man agreed not to diconnect us only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items hope you understand...
5. Other expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance...
Shall I plan the same for next month? Please Advice!!!
Your Sweet Heart,
Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending you 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart.
Your loving husband,
His wife replied...
Sweetheart Dearest,
Thanks for the 100 kisses, below is the list of expenses I paid with the kisses...
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man agreed not to diconnect us only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items hope you understand...
5. Other expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance...
Shall I plan the same for next month? Please Advice!!!
Your Sweet Heart,
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Recently fired stock trader
A recently fired
stock trader said …
“This is worse than divorce…
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife…”
stock trader said …
“This is worse than divorce…
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife…”
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
When We Get Married
Girl : When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy : It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl : Well that is because we aren’t married yet.
Boy : It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl : Well that is because we aren’t married yet.
Any Way For Long Life...
Man : Is there any way for long life?
Doctor : Get married.
Man : Will it help ?
Doctor : No, but the thought of long life will never come.
Doctor : Get married.
Man : Will it help ?
Doctor : No, but the thought of long life will never come.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Great Sayings On Marriage
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
*********
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Gui try
*********
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi
*********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
*********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas
*********
The great question.... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want ?
- Sigmund Freud
*********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
- Sam Kinison
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
*********
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Gui try
*********
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi
*********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
*********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas
*********
The great question.... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want ?
- Sigmund Freud
*********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
- Sam Kinison
Monday, November 2, 2009
Signs You Have Had Too Much Of The 90's
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in a year.
You have a list of fifteen phone numbers to reach your family of three.
Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play that you most despised.
Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the screen.
You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date...and now sells for half the price you paid.
Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
You consider second day air delivery painfully slow.
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in a year.
You have a list of fifteen phone numbers to reach your family of three.
Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play that you most despised.
Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the screen.
You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date...and now sells for half the price you paid.
Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
You consider second day air delivery painfully slow.
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
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